Mind in Chaos

The least that I want to be is to be emo. I'm trying to understand what's going on. I thought I was okay until one night, a friend who I consider as my second mom started up a conversation in facebook chat.

It was a few days away from mother's day so I greeted her. We exchanged our hello's and started reminiscing. Then when she asked how I was, i just said I was fine and that I was okay. But right there she sensed that something wasn't right. I began to tell her how i sometimes feel uneasy.

I'm a very jolly person and maybe that's one reason why even I can't see that there might be something burdening me for the longest time. She said that sometimes it really is like that. There's probably something wrong and I just don't know it. Or in my case I'm just starting to realize now that there really is, I know it, and I'm just really good at denying feelings.

One by one, day after another, I started to uncover those hiding thoughts that probably keeps me burdened. I think sharing them here wouldn't be enough to actually lift the weight of how grave it is. Each and one of these I consider just thoughts and not problems, but when I stop and really think deep about it, they're one hell of a mess.

At this point I've already uncovered four. Four concerns that leave me weak inside. I realized them one by one after I bumped into them day by day. These are things that I get to see, hear, and feel everyday of my life. After my mind was opened up during that conversation with my so called second mom, things started to clear up and I understood that I needed to face each and evryone of it and I just don't know how and where to start.

My mind is in chaos. It is in complete turmoil. Right now I've just uncovered four and there must be something more. I'm scared. I'm totally afraid. How do you deal with feelings and emotions? I think that's one of my expertise that I lost during my journey to a place I don't know. Completely blinded by everything, I've lost my own direction. GPS won't be of use this time. My map is full of road blocks. There's a fork on every turn. I'm lost in space. A vast, dark, and endless location. Every step is a beginning. I'm confused, disturbed, and scared. I knew that I needed to be saved.

Right now, I think i'll just write down those four that left me hanging by a thread.

One. To confront someone
Two. Father and son
Three. Is work still fun?
Four. Lost connection to the guy above


Blob: Only Blogger App for Symbian

Hey lookey here. Guess what I'm doing? I'm mobile blogging! I'm blogging right now using this Symbian Blogger app called Blob.

Hi guys. You know, I really have a lot of things and thoughts to share with you but i just don't have the full time to do this. Then I finally found something that could probably help me more on this.

I came by my post that says, "The Blogger is Back". But where was I really after hitting that post? I realized that I can't always be with my desktop and some internet connection to write some blogs and publish right away. That's why I've decided to search for a blogger app for the nth time in the history of ovi store.

I'm a Nokia phone user -- (N8) to be specific, and this camera phone proves to be a really good photo sharing tool on-the-go. But sometimes, pictures go better with words to describe the whole story. So while searching Google for a fine app that can help me blog on-the-go (which hopefully existed), I found this app called "Blob".

Blob is a mobile phone application created for symbian phone users. Blob is the only blogger app for Google blogger, according to the app itself and as far as I know as well, that's created for symbian. For me, it's already a pretty decent program which enables me to do my thing, not to mention that it does the job amazingly.

It's the only blogger app available for symbian, so it would really be hard to compare. I hardly used the wordpress app i downloaded last time 'cause I thought I'd just stick to blogger. So i really can't compare the features and all that.

Though it's quick and the right functions do the job, we would all agree that it still lacks some features that would really be helpful to its users in publishing blog posts. I bought it for the price of half of a Marlboro cigarette pack, so I'd say that it's not so bad.

The basic features are here. You can read, edit, create, and delete posts and comments. You can save a draft both online and offline. So if you worry about not being able to publish your work for the time being, you can work offline and save it to offline drafts. Open it and publish it as soon as you get a hold of an internet connection. You can actually set the date and time which means you can schedule your posts. There is an option to preview your blog while you create or edit your post. It's equipped with HTML5 and with a cool rich text editor as if you're blogging on a PC. You can blog in pure text or hard-code those HTML tags along with it.

It has a smooth, fast, and clean interface. I don't really mind if it only has two themes, the black and white. It may probably offer some variety of designs and colors, but that's just probably gonna cause the UI to slow down and crash.

The rich text editor has basic HTML formatting buttons. Hey, let me try it.

bold, italic, underline, strikethrough,sample link,

Btw, that image above is inserted thru a link via the img tag.
Okay, so it works.

If only there's an option to upload photos directly from the phone's directory, it could have been the perfect start-up kit. I'm hoping this to be worked on and be released right away. It's really gonna be a big help for blogger users.


There should be a photo uploader. It's a must! It's great if the editor has two views, html and rich text when editing the post to eliminate the html tags but the properties are still there. Also hoping that like other text editors, we can also highlight text entries and delete, cut, copy and paste throughout the document. I hope that by adding the tags or labels, we can retrieve a list of tags from our original blog. At least just an option. How about encorporating the blog reader as well so this can be used to see other blogs. And last but not the least, I noticed that the list of blogs that can be edited extends only upto 24 posts or so. It's not such a big deal breaker for me but it would be nice to have an option to load more.

If there are more updates to make this app be at its finest, then by all means please share it with us :)

I am encouraging all bloggers especially those who want or need to blog on-the-go. Please support Blob, the only blogger app for Symbian. I recommend this app for its ease of use, clean and fast UI, and a remarkable functionality from its list of features.

To its creator,

Thank you for putting this app online :)


No Blog for my Nokia N8 (and some random naive thoughts)

The reason why I can't or don't blog about my Nokia N8 camera phone yet is because...

...it's the best camera i have yet in possession and I can't take pictures of it. Just the box! Although honestly, the first time I got a hold of it last November of 2011, I couldn't make up my mind if I should draft my review already or just simply blog about it. Maybe I was just lazy. I still am.

But the camera is really amazing for a smart phone. Even up to now, I think I'll be sticking with this phone for a much longer time than expected. Most people are so gadget conscious, they tend to replace their gadgets regularly. Regularly as in like yearly, every 6 months, monthly?? or the worse that you could ever imagine.

Well, I'm not that kind of person and I wouldn't wanna be one. Before I actually decided on buying this phone, it took me a year to deliver the final verdict. So much cautious, I wanted to make sure that I will be making use of every bit of it. I mean, not just for fancy. I'm not the type who goes out on the streets and say, "hey! I have a new gadget and these are the cool features..." That's just lame.

I studied my own needs and wants. I've read different review sites, watched tens of video reviews, compared to different phones of various types. And of course, I had to review every single phone that's comparable to Nokia N8. Well, in terms of how I needed and wanted it, that is.

Choosing a phone really depends on how you plan to use it. If you just wanna look cool, buy an Apple product (or iProduct, "duh duh duh"). That will surely hype your friends' interest. Those products are totally unreasonably expensive. It will probably make you look gay as well. If you wanna look techie, buy a Samsung. If you wanna look like a professional, most of the professionals I know have Blackberry. If you're just simply looking for the best... NO, I'm not plugging in the Nokia brand. In my case, I bought the Nokia N8, though. Ask yourself why?


That's probably the answer to that question.

If you needed to be flashy and stylish, why didn't you just buy a jewelry? If you needed to play games, buy a PS3, or a DS, or a Brick Game. 

This is also the reason why I'm not buying a Tab. What good will I make use of it for? To play Temple Run? Are you crazy? I'd add up some dollars to that price and buy myself a useful laptop where I can play real games and do lots of useful stuffs, as well. Not unless it's really gonna have some purpose for me, I wouldn't spend a dime on something just so people would say I have the money to pay for it. Lame. Or I'd probably buy myself a big HDTV with the same price range as that.


Random Trip to Pangasinan: Day 1 at San Fabian Beach Resort

Ang itenerary?? Ayon sa host ng lakad, beach tapos falls. Hinahanap ko sa itenerary kung nasaan ang lunch, dinner, at breakfast, pero tila mas exciting ang trip kung ang lahat ay secret... este, random! 

San Fabian Beach Resort, Pangasinan

Nagsimula ang trip mula sa magulong usapan na meet-up at 5. Take note! 5am sa may Farmers, Cubao. Dun daw sa number one fastfood restaurant in the world... maliban sa Pilipinas. -"McDonalds".

As useless, 5am ako gumising at ang hula ko ay ganun din sila. Kung hindi man, mas-late pa siguro. Nakaalis ako ng Mandaluyong at dumating sa tagpuang lugar sa loob ng 15 hanggang 20 minuto sa pamamagitan ng tricycle at Don Mariano na bus sa may EDSA. Hindi na ito iba kundi isang pangkaraniwang lakad ng grupong nabuo sa sangkatutak na random trip kung saan-saan.

Pagdating sa dako-paroon ay nagkita-kita ang mga late, na pare-parehong naghihintayan ng text kung sino ang mauuna, para malaman kung susunod na ba. At tulad ng inaasahan, hindi ako ang nakatanggap ng early bird award. Clap your hands everybody!

Habang hinihintay ang isa pa ring late na kasama, dahil hindi daw sya pinalabas ng bahay hangga't hindi pumuputok ang araw bilang excuse, ay kumain muna kami ng agahan sa world's #1 kainan except in the Philippine area of responsibility.

Matapos ang nakakaumay na paghihintay, na pinagdaraanan din ng bawat mamamayang Pilipino, ay dumating rin ang winner ng pa-importante award. Clap your hands ebribadeh! Pinakain muna namin sya ng breakfast kahit di naman ata sya nagugutom.

Hala sige! Impake! Larga! Sibat!

Bus papuntang terminal na mukhang isang kanto lang ang layo mula sa meeting place. Limang tumbling lang, nakatipid pa sana ng sampung pisong pamasahe. Sa terminal ay muling magulo kaming naghanap ng masasakyan patungo sa itinext na destinasyon... Pit stop? Jollibee, Urdaneta City, Pangasinan. Ito pala ang pinakasikat na landmark doon. Tinalo pa yung katapat na mall.

Up (L-R): Istin, Rose
Bottom (L-R): Abe, Joby

Sa tulong ng magulong ruta ng bus ay mahigit limampung beses nag reroute ang aking GPS. Akala ko nga ay nasira na ito dahil parang baliw na inuulit-ulit ni Martin ang mga katagang 'route recalculation'. Masaya naman ang trip dahil sa tatlong daang piso mo ay may sukli ka pang viente pesos. Hindi ko rin alam na ang ticket pala namin, na hindi ko man lang nasilayan, ay may kalakip palang free movie pass - matapos ang mga magabagdamdaming awitin sa radio na mukhang niluma na ng panhon.

Astig yung free movie! MI4 - Ghost protocol. Showing pa rin ito sa sinehan, pero swerteng sa bus ko ito napanuod. Hindi na naman talaga alintana yung mga dumadaang tao sa screen dahil maya't maya rin naman ang panhik-panaog ng kundoktor sa harap ng kanilang LCD TV. Ang siste? Para lang akong nanunuod ng trailer.

Sulit na rin ang 280 pesos one way ticket sa byahe na binuno namin sa loob ng mahigit-kumulang apat na oras. May dalawang stop over yung bus sa mga lugar na hindi ko na piniling tandaan dahil hindi naman namin trip kumain sa mga ganon (based from experience). Nasulit ko naman yung comfort room nila. Yung nauna ay may 5 pesos na maintenance fee, pero walang alkohol o lotion sa counter (di tulad sa Shangri-la mall). Yung sumunod na stop over naman ay libre na ang entrance.

Malapit na raw kami sa aming destinasyon. Tatlong kilometro na lang, hirit ng GPS ko. Nagtanong si manong kundoktor kung saan ang aming sadya. Ang sabi lang kasi namin ay Urdaneta. Kailangan mo pa palang sabihin yung magic word - "Sa Jollibee po?"... At alam na agad nila kung saan kayo ibababa.

"ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...", sabi ng kundoktor.

Hindi ito exagerated. Ganyan nya talaga sinabi.

"Welcome to Jollibee!", bati ng guard... Hindi ko ito naranasan sa McDo dahil wala nama silang guard.

Tumuloy pumasok at nagtingin-tingin sa nakapaskil na menu... Syempre kumain ulit kami. Tinawagan ang host ng trip upang magpasundo... Sinabing 15 minutes lang daw pero humingi pa sya ng extrang 5-10 minutes dahil pag hindi pa sya dumating ay dadaan muna kami ng Baguio, at mamimili ng longganisa sa Vigan.

Dumating ang host na parang isang ninja. Hindi ko sya namalayan. Nagsiksikan kami sa kotse na parang limang taong pumara at pinasakay ng taxi sa kalakhang Maynila. Buti nalang legal ito sa probinsya... O baka sadyang mga ninja lang kami.

Pagdating sa bahay ng host ay shoshort-cuttin ko na ang kwento dahil bukod sa kumain muli at nagpalit ng swimming get up ay wala na kaming ibang ginawa kundi pag-usapan ang bagong tripod ng D90 ni host at pag pyestahan ang nakakatuwang mukha ng romantikong manliligaw ni early bird awardee. 

Ang pinagmamalaking TRIPOD

Test group shot gamit ang TRIPOD

Next stop? Beach! Matapos ang mahigit dalawang oras na pang-ookray sa hearthrob ng Convergys ay naisipan na rin naming sumibat sa dagat... Sa AWA ng Dios! Ang plano ay daytrip lamang kung kaya't iniwan namen ang aming mga bagahe sa bahay ng host. Ang pinaka-late sa amin na hindi pinalabas ng nanay bago lumabas ang sikat ng araw - ay nagpalit sa loob ng kwarto kung kaya't nahiwalay ang gamit niya sa amin.

Para kaming dinikdik na sardinas sa loob ng kotse dahil sa hindi magkasundong mga balakang. Nagkastiff-neck pa ata ako sa hips. Stiff-hips?

Ayon sa GPS ay malapit na kami sa dagat. At yun! I saw a body of water - big enough to call it the beach. Hindi ito white sand at kaya ding daanan ng kotse ng hindi lumulubog ang gulong. Mas firm pa ang soil-like, fine sands dito kesa sa mga baku-bakong kalsada sa EDSA.

May entrance fee pala ang kotse. Twenty petot. Pero tulad ng tamang hinala ko ay hindi ako nagkamali. Kasi tamang hinala yun! Trip lang ang car entrance fee. Para ito sa mga dayuhang mukhang madaling mauto, tulad namin.

Sa tabing-dagat ay maraming cottage. Iba-iba ang may-ari nito. Pero ang tawag sa buong lugar ay 'San Fabian Beach Resort'. Ang daming cottage owners na nakikipagbargain habang tinatahak namin ang shoreline while on wheels. Marami ring cottage owners ang nadismaya dahil mas makunat pa sa tinubigang chicharon ang aming kasama. Sa galing makipag baratan ay nakakuha kami ng cottage at unlimited videoke sa halagang 350 petot pero dapat ay 450.

Ngunit dahil babae ang host ay nagbago na naman ang kanyang isip at nabalewala ang binarat nyang deal dahil gusto na pala nyang mag overnight sa beach. 800 petot na ngayon ang aming bill. At dahil random nga ang trip, kinailangan nyang bumalik ng bahay para kunin ang mga bagahe namin dahil biglang nagswitch to overnight. Ang bilin namen sa host? Kunin ang mga gamit namen na magkakatabi lang.

Naiwan kaming apat na nakaharap sa videoke at animoy nagkakahiyaan pa. Pero dahil wala naman talaga kaming hiya ay nagsimula na akong bumanat. Kanta dito, awit doon, sigaw, birit, piyok, lunok laway, birit ulit... Habang si host ay kasalukuyang naglalakbay upang iretrieve ang aming mga bagahe ay pinag-uusapan pa rin namin ang masugid na manliligaw ng aming early bird. Hanggang sa kantahan ay mayroon din syang espeysyal dedication.

Hindi ko na mapigilan ang aking sarili kapag naririnig ang daluyong ng tubig at hampas ng alon sa dalampasigan, sigaw ng mga batang nagtatakbuhan, huni ng mga manok na hindi marunong tumilaok, at mga asong nagkakaskas ng likod sa malapad na buhanginan. Dali-dali akong naghubad ng pang-itaas at humarurot sa malawak na tubig ng dagat. Tumakbo, tumalon, nagtampisaw, gumulong, lumangoy, sumisid, sabay ahon pagkalipas ng sampung minuto. Sila naman daw, kasi mga inggitero sila. Ako ang ginawang look-out ng mga walang hiya. Kanta-kanta, awit-awit, sulyap-sulyap... Repeat until mapagod ang lahat at pumirmi sa kubo.

6:30pm at gutom na ang lahat, pero wala pa rin ang host. Bored na ang lahat kaya kumanta muna ng istyupid lab. Makalipas ang ilang sandali ay napagpasyahan na nga naming bumili ng alak. Hindi pala uso dito ang Gin. Red Horse na Stallion at Empoy Light lang ang available. Hindi ko alam kung nag didiliryo na ba kami pero wala pang laman ang aming mga tyan ay nagsimula na ang tagayan. Saktong dumating ang host na dala ang sangkatutak na pagkain. May GSM Blue, Softdrinks, at Gonggogong din bilang dagdag inumin. Ahhhhh! ang sarap ng isaw! Meron ding Dinuguan at parang sisig na hindi ko maintindihan, pero masarap. May Chicharon, puto’t kutsinta, at kung ano-ano pa.

Tuloy ang kantahan, kainan, inuman, at kasiyahan. Sabay takbo sa beach kahit madilim at halos wala ka ng makita. Maswerteng inilawan kami ng headlights ng kotse na aming ginamit habang naliligo sa may hindi kalayuang bahagi ng beach. Hindi naman nakakatakot dahil mababaw lang naman yung beach. Hindi na rin ako nag-atubiling magpasikat pa at magpalaot dahil hindi na rin iyon abot ng headlights ng sasakyan.

Sari-saring trip, tampisaw, basaan, kwentuhang walang katuturan, tawanan, at picture-picture sa aplaya ang aming napagtripan. Sa galing at lupit ng Nikkon D90 na DSLR camera ng aming host ay walang napalampas na sandali. Capture every moment, ika-nga.

Makati na ang mga pwet at singit ng bawat isa kung kaya’t napagpasyahan na ngang magbanlaw. Buhos dito, buhos doon. Hugas dito, hugas doon. Nanindigang buraot queen ay hindi nakuntento sa paghiram ng sipilyo, nakuha pang mambasa ng tuwalya gayung pinahiram mo na nga ng shampoo at inofferan ng brief ang babae sa dilim.

Natapos ang gabi sa nakakaantok na kantahan sa videoke. Kanya-kanyang pwesto na. Mga kumot at una’y naburaot na. Pagpatay ng ilaw, ang mga lamok ay nag-fiesta na. Nagising pa at nagulantang ang lahat ng biglang bumusina ng tuloy-tuloy ang aming sasakyan. Si uncle, sa sobrang sarap ng tulog, napatungan ng paa ang manubela ng sasakyan.

Pagdating ng umaga ay ginising ako ng torotot na pisil-pisil ng maglalako ng pandesal sa may baybayin ng dagat. Sakay siya ng mountain bike na walang gear shifters. Sa likod ng bike ay nakasabit ang isang malaking basket na yari sa yantok. Dito nakaimbak ang tumpok ng mainit na pandesal. Mayroong tatlumpiso at mayroong apat na piso. Hindi ko naman nakita ang deperensya, na ayon sa maglalako nito ay mas malaki daw yung tig-aapat na piso. Binili ko na lamang yung tig-aapat na piso dahil napaniwala nya rin akong mas malaki nga ito ng bahagya.

Pagbalik sa kubo ay sinaluhan ako ni Uncle at binigyan pa ng kape na hindi ko talaga alam kung saan nya nakuha. Nagising na rin ang iba at nag-almusal ng hanging amihan. Habang nag-iisip kung magsisipilyo ng hiram na tootbrush ang buraot queen ay tumakbo sa swimming beach si Uncle dahil hindi nya raw ito na-enjoy kagabi. Okay na! set na ang lahat. Tapos nang mag tampisaw si Uncle at handa ng pumunta sa susunod na lokasyon ang barkada.

Next stop? Manaoag-to-Antong-Falls! Day 2 Expedition…